What do you say to a parent who’s lost a child?
When someone loses a child, it’s hard to know what to say. The pain is unimaginable—and for many of us, that fear of saying the wrong thing keeps us from saying anything at all.
In this week’s episode of The Pediatrician Next Door, I spoke with Hans Kullberg, a father who lost his 10-month-old daughter, Aviva. His honesty about the grief process—and the silence that followed—offers a powerful reminder: when a friend is grieving, presence matters more than perfection.
What To Say to a Parent Who’s Lost a Child
💬 “I’m thinking of you.”
This simple phrase reminds a grieving parent that they’re not alone. You don’t need to solve anything. Just acknowledging their pain goes a long way.
💬 “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”
Admitting you don’t have the right words is better than saying nothing. This opens the door to connection without pressure.
💬 Say their child’s name.
Parents often want to hear their child remembered. You might say, “I saw a photo of Aviva the other day and was thinking of her smile.” It brings comfort—not pain—to know their child isn’t forgotten.
💬 Keep checking in—months and even years later.
The cards and flowers usually come right away. But grief doesn’t end after the funeral. A note on a birthday, a quiet text on the anniversary of their child’s passing—these are the moments that matter.
What Not to Say
🚫 “Everything happens for a reason.”
Even if well-intentioned, phrases like this can feel dismissive. Stick with empathy over explanation.
🚫 “At least you have other children.”
Grief isn’t lessened by what a parent still has. Every child is unique and irreplaceable.
🚫 “Let me know if you need anything.”
Instead, offer something specific: “Can I bring dinner on Thursday?” or “Would you like to go for a walk this weekend?”
Recommended Resources:
Compassionate Friends nationwide support group
Read: Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler
Grief and love don’t cancel each other out—they live side by side. And sometimes, the greatest gift you can give a grieving parent is simply walking beside them, without trying to fix the path.
🎧 Listen to the full conversation on your favorite podcast platform.
